Posthuman Blues

Conspiracy theories are the folklore of the 21st century. Almost invariably, a conspiracy theory -- no matter how lame or implausible -- casts the American Dream in a cynically revealing light.

Here's one I came up with a while back, during the beginning of "Operation Iraqi Freedom." Remember that wild duststorm that brought troop carriers to a virtual standstill? U.S. personnel and Iraqis alike were quite specific about just how awful it was. Keep in mind that Iraq gets its share of duststorms; they're far from unknown. Nonetheless, longtime residents appeared on NPR commenting on this particular storm's singular ferocity. Some felt that there was something forbiddingly different about it.

Such bad vibes may be chalked up to the imminent siege of Baghdad, and as far as I know there is no official weather report to show us quantifiably how "different" this particular duststorm was. But the storm's timing is interesting. It happened right as U.S. and British troops headed for their protracted confrontation. Allied forces were hit where the storm's effects were most crippling: in the middle of the harsh Iraqi desert.

The conspiracy I'm proposing hinges on a few postulates:

1.) The United States military has an interest in the strategic use of ground vehicles in desert warfare. (A reasonable assumption.)

2.) The military-industrial complex is interested in weather modification. (This pill's admittedly tougher to swallow. Then again, what technological advantage isn't the military interested in? As possible "hard" evidence, I offer the HAARP atmospheric research installation.)

3.) If the U.S. military has weather modification technology at its disposal, then this is undoubtedly a "black ops" project, unknown to Congress. (Again, a reasonable guess.)

The theory itself:

Military insiders used the trek to Baghdad to experiment with the effectiveness of weather modification in desert combat conditions. The "duststorm" was manufactured event.

There you have it, folks -- a respectable conspiracy theory. Tell your friends!