No matter where I am, I can't stem my craving for bling. It doesn't matter what form it takes: fancy watches, jewelry, hubcaps, cellphone accessories. Purpose is irrelevant. I routinely walk out of stores with pockets bulging with the shiny stuff, unable to remember where, specifically, I managed to acquire it.
So I concoct crude rationalizations for what's obviously become an obsession. "Oh, they must have been free gifts. Promotional giveaways." That sort of thing. Later, considering how easily my mind adopts these lame fictions as authentic events leaves me worried. As I sit fondling the day's loot, I find myself light-headed, nervous. As if my memory harbors events it would rather not share. Not that I dare tempt it.
Bling, baby. It's all about the bling.
(Note: The events recounted in this post are fictitious.)
Yeah, I used to feel that way back in the day when I was a teenager and a relentless shoplifter. I still have some of the loot I acquired back in the day.
ReplyDeleteNow I just spend my hard earned money on the crap. (See my blog entry about shoes as an example.)
Seriously though...you aren't really writing about yourself are you? 'Cause this just doesn't seem to fit somehow.
It's a joke. A total fabrication.
ReplyDeleteBut don't tell anyone! ;-)
OK, Crow. :o)
ReplyDeleteI used to bust people like you guys when I was a mall security guard in college.
ReplyDeleteShoplifting is serious business!
Paul "keepin' my eyes on both of you next month" Kimball :-)
Seriously -- I was just joking.
ReplyDeleteSeriously - so was I! :-)
ReplyDeleteI guess my handle on reality got a bit shaky after eliciting that *shocking* confession from Jezzie!
ReplyDeleteWe've all stolen something in our lives - when I was six, I purloined a copy of a newspaper at a shopping mall. The proprietor came running after me and my parents - imagine my innocent surpise when I discovered that the Dartmouth Free Press was not actually "free"! :-)
ReplyDeleteTrue story.
Paul
Seriously -- I was just joking.
ReplyDeleteWish I could say the same. But yeah, I was quite the little thief back in the day. But I'd never do it nowadays. Too much at stake. (Though I have to admit I still get the urge to try it every once in a while.)