Monday, March 26, 2007

I very stupidly alarmed some good friends, online and otherwise, with my last post. I was vague when I should have been explicit, ominous when I should have just explained the situation -- which is less than dramatic.

So here's what's up:

As I've mentioned, I've been bothered by a pronounced case of tinnitus. At times it's been pretty intolerable. I've seen a couple doctors and there's nothing structurally wrong with my ear. Likewise, a CT scan showed no nerve inflammation inside my head -- a distinct relief on one hand, but on the other a kick in the shins because evidently there's nothing they can do. And when you have what sounds for all the world like microphone feedback squalling in your left ear for most of the day you want the doctors to find something wrong so they can fix it. No such luck.



Finally, approaching wit's end, I abruptly stopped taking a medicine I've been taking for nearly half my life in the hope that it was contributing to the sourceless noise. Initially, this seemed to relieve the tinnitus. (In fact, as I write it's the most tolerable it's been in many weeks.) But then I crashed. Not messily, but badly enough to plunge me into a depressive stupor and wrack me with dizzy spells, which I'm still fending off (mostly by sitting down and gulping herbal tea while jamming to Talking Heads MP3s).

I've since reinstated the medicine, which I probably should never have stopped taking in the first place. Hopefully this will allay the dizziness. I suspect my mood will improve as well. And I'm seeking an apartment in downtown Kansas City, so it looks like my grotesquely distended tenure in the suburbs might be winding down -- and that can only be a good thing.

So, aside from the usual sense of existential futility, I'm not doing as bad as I could. And while I'll be taking it relatively easy, I'll more than likely keep blogging; a change of routine is one thing, but masochistically denying myself simple pleasures is another matter.

At least now I'm clear-headed enough to grasp the distinction.

7 comments:

kardemumma said...

wau! well yuo are not onlyone with aprobable somatization

Ray X said...

Mac:

Good to hear that you're back. Maybe you can post more stories about those space babes!

Best,

Ray

Anna Murphy said...

Glad to see you back, Mac.

MindSet said...

Mac,

This may sound a little paranoid or even a little 'crazy', but have you considered the possibility that your ailment might have a paranormal/conspiratorial explanation?

Just a thought.

Best wishes,

Mindset

Mac said...

Mindset--

I guess I'm content to go with Occam's Razor, and paranormal machinations seem damned unlikely.

Also, something like one if five Americans suffers from tinnitus. Assuming only one out of these has the exceptionally noisy version I've been fighting, that still leaves an astonishing number of people afflicted with a paranormally derived problem -- which, to my mind, is absurd.

But have I *considered* the possibility? I guess so, but only for the fun of it.

Dream's End said...

Love your site and I'm sorry you have to deal with tinnitus. I have it too. I always have and, in fact, have never "heard" silence. I think there may be some correlation with allergies but I've yet to find anything that really helps.

Free lifetime membership to my blog if you come up with something.

Carol Maltby said...

Mac, that's interesting that dizziness (a semi-circular canal problem?) hit when you were able to stop the tinnitus by stopping the medication you'd been on for years.

I wonder if there is something newer that could replace the older medication, that would still work on what you need it to work on but also modify the tinnitus? Are you seeing the same doctor for both problems, or are they two different docs who should talk with each other?