Posthuman Blues

I very stupidly alarmed some good friends, online and otherwise, with my last post. I was vague when I should have been explicit, ominous when I should have just explained the situation -- which is less than dramatic.

So here's what's up:

As I've mentioned, I've been bothered by a pronounced case of tinnitus. At times it's been pretty intolerable. I've seen a couple doctors and there's nothing structurally wrong with my ear. Likewise, a CT scan showed no nerve inflammation inside my head -- a distinct relief on one hand, but on the other a kick in the shins because evidently there's nothing they can do. And when you have what sounds for all the world like microphone feedback squalling in your left ear for most of the day you want the doctors to find something wrong so they can fix it. No such luck.



Finally, approaching wit's end, I abruptly stopped taking a medicine I've been taking for nearly half my life in the hope that it was contributing to the sourceless noise. Initially, this seemed to relieve the tinnitus. (In fact, as I write it's the most tolerable it's been in many weeks.) But then I crashed. Not messily, but badly enough to plunge me into a depressive stupor and wrack me with dizzy spells, which I'm still fending off (mostly by sitting down and gulping herbal tea while jamming to Talking Heads MP3s).

I've since reinstated the medicine, which I probably should never have stopped taking in the first place. Hopefully this will allay the dizziness. I suspect my mood will improve as well. And I'm seeking an apartment in downtown Kansas City, so it looks like my grotesquely distended tenure in the suburbs might be winding down -- and that can only be a good thing.

So, aside from the usual sense of existential futility, I'm not doing as bad as I could. And while I'll be taking it relatively easy, I'll more than likely keep blogging; a change of routine is one thing, but masochistically denying myself simple pleasures is another matter.

At least now I'm clear-headed enough to grasp the distinction.