Astrology is lame and Myers-Briggs is for losers. The omniscient Oracle of Starbucks can tell you everything about your personality by what you drink at Starbucks. Simply enter your full drink order -- including size -- into the field below and the all-knowing Oracle will tell you everything about your personality. Better yet, input your friends' orders to find out what they're really like.
Unlike other imitations, the Oracle is 100% accurate.
"A stunning survey of the latest evidence for intelligent life on Mars. Mac Tonnies brings a thoughtful, balanced and highly accessible approach to one of the most fascinating enigmas of our time."
--Herbie Brennan, author of Martian Genesis and The Atlantis Enigma
"Tonnies drops all predetermined opinions about Mars, and asks us to do the same."
--Greg Bishop, author of Project Beta
"I highly recommend the book for anyone interested in the search for extra-terrestrial artifacts, and the political intrigues that invariably accompany it."
--David Jinks, author of The Monkey and the Tetrahredron
"Mac Tonnies goes where NASA fears to tread and he goes first class."
--Peter Gersten, former Director of Citizens Against UFO Secrecy
And don't miss...
(Includes my essay "The Ancients Are Watching.")
Join the Posthuman Blues Geographical Matrix!
6 comments:
Personality type: Clueless HEY!
You don't go to Starbucks much; when you do you just tag along with other people since you have nothing better to do. You would like to order a Tazo Chai Crème but don't know how to pronounce it. This is all pretty accurate. Most people who drink Grande Iced Caramel Macciato are strippers. Uh...no. No one would want to see that. ;o)
Also drinks: Wine coolers I do like Mike's Hard Lemonade...
Can also be found at: The mall Shopping!
Behold the Oracle's wisdom:
Personality type: Asshat
You carry around philosophy books you haven't read and wear trendy wire-rimmed glasses even though you have perfect vision. You've probably added an accent to your name or changed the pronunciation to seem sophisticated. You hang out in coffee shops because you don't have a job because you got your degree in French Poetry. People who drink espresso are notorious for spouting off angry, liberal opinions about issues they don't understand.
Also drinks: Any drink with a foreign name
Can also be found at: The other, locally owned coffee shop you claim to like better
-----------------------------------
Jeez, I just typed in medium espresso, and I get this abuse?!
It's enough for me to whip off my wire-rim glasses, set down my unread copy of Existentialism for Dummies (French Edition), and liberally rip on Jennifer Bishop Fulwiler for creating a futile exercise in false prophecy and...
hey, wait a minute! 8^)
Personality type: Hippie
In addition to being a hippie, you are a hypochondriac health nut. You secretly think that your insistence on only consuming all-natural products is because you're so intelligent and well-informed; it's actually because you're a sucker. You've dabbled in Wicca or other pseudo-religions that attract morons and have changed your sexual orientation a few times this year. You probably live in California. Everyone who drinks venti soy chai latte should be forced to eat a McDonald's bacon cheeseburger.
Also drinks: Beverages with lots of marketing that says they're herbal and organic
Can also be found at: Whole Foods, indoor rock climbing facilities
This was hilarious and also a little too scarily accurate.
The Oracle's got a real attitude problem, huh?
All I can say is, ouch. The oracle would probably predict I'd say that too. It's got me nailed pretty well. ("Uses words like 'nailed.'")
--W.M. Bear
I typed in NEVER and the employees laughed at me. Actually, I'm not surprised. I will never give money to that land-eating chain of overpriced caffeine.
Post a Comment