Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Apparently "A Scanner Darkly" isn't showing anywhere close. Typical. I suppose I'll wait for the DVD.



"Scanner" was the first Philip K. Dick book I read. I digested it at a very strange time in my life, while suffering from an undiagnosed anxiety disorder that took the form of what I only much later discovered was termed "derealization" -- a horrific sense of my cognizance somehow detaching, leaving me viscerally frightened and, after several episodes, more or less convinced I was suffering from a tumor or else losing my mind.

(One doctor matter-of-factly told me I had temporal lobe epilepsy, a charge often leveled at people claiming alien abduction and ecstatic religious states. Some critics wonder if temporal lobe epilepsy was at least partly responsible for PKD's own "divine invasion.")

In "Scanner," the addictive "Substance D" results in a schism between brain hemispheres. At the time of my attacks, this seemed as likely an explanation for my problem as any, regardless of the fact that I'd never done any drugs -- let alone anything as exotically cyberpunk as Substance D.

But maybe having dealt with anxiety hasn't been an entirely bad thing. For one, I enjoy an enhanced appreciation for PKD's reality-bending fiction. I find I can relate to characters experiencing unpleasant altered states and can sense, if superficially, the dark, elusively fractal vein mined by authors ranging from Kafka to Pynchon.

But if I could undue my own brush with "D," I would.

3 comments:

Kyle said...

Mac -

Oddly enough, my take on PKDs fiction stems from the opposite condition. Having had (way) more than my share of hallucinogenic experiences brought me a sense of relating to his fascination with that "disconnect" via chemical induction. And yes, I enjoy Kafka for the same reasons, although the chemical component is less prevalent in his work.

While I don't feel that there have been any lingering effects, I DO feel quite comfortable reading descriptions of epileptic or schizophrenic episodes. They seem more like misunderstood transcendental experiences than disease, having induced similar experiences in myself.

Like soldiers given LSD without their knowledge, a chemically induced "mind-expanding" experience
is certainly indistinguishable from mental illness to the "victim"...except that it ends eventually.

That said, PKD was one weird mofo, and was into some heavy chemicals in his day.

Like Carroll, Poe, Hawthorne, and many others, PKDs "muse" seemed to be kindled by the stimulation of certain compounds...at no small risk.

That old thin line between genius and (induced) insanity, I suppose. :)

Kyle

Mac said...

I think any latent interest in LSD tripping I might have had has been pretty much banished by my run-ins with anxiety; all my trips would probably be bad ones!

They seem more like misunderstood transcendental experiences than disease, having induced similar experiences in myself.

Which, of course, opens the door for neurotheology and related disciplines. (Although I still haven't dismissed the possibility that *some* induced states literally allow the mind to access other worlds.)

Mac said...

Hi WMB,

If I honestly thought there was a chance I harbored hidden memories of alien abduction, I would most certainly pursue them. Alas, no missing time. No UFO sightings. None of the "tell-tale" symptoms that would suggest anything unusual.

(Well, actually, I *do* rank fairly high on some of the indiscriminate "Have You Been Abducted?" questions, but in ways that are readily explainable. For example, I've experienced both sleep paralysis and "sense of presence." Both were, boringly enough, just that. No Grays.)

An alernate version of me somewhere would doubtlessly "want to believe" and fabricate a cool alien narrative to add spice to his life . . .