I'm naturally solitary and I don't sense anything inherently wrong with that. Nevertheless, I'm sometimes overcome with a crushing mammalian sense of loneliness. And everything suddenly seems remote, like watching a crudely pixelated disaster unfold on a video monitor.
Paradoxically, this very sense of detachment catalyzes my interest in undermining the definition of "human" -- because, frankly, I'm sick to death of being human. Either "humanness" has failed me or I've failed it; in either case, I'm left disillusioned, like a tourist with someone else's luggage and only a fuzzy sense of the local geography. And it never quite goes away. The most I can do is douse it in caffeine and bury it under mounds of preemptive disgust.
I crave mutation -- but I want to be in control. Naturally, one of my pressing concerns is staying alive long enough that future science can help reconcile the schism between the fragile construct that passes for my identity and the laughable exhibition that passes for civilization.
I'm not asking for a quick fix. I'm not dodging personal responsibility. I just want a more concrete sense of why I'm enduring this spectacle. And I don't think for one minute that I'm unique in that sense.
4 comments:
I do beleive i have felt this as well....perhaps even as often if i might be so bold.
The thought occurs that perhaps this is similar to one outgrowing and moving away from home...becoming so suffocated by an environment to be forced to leave it or change it to suit the new.
a simplistic view i agree.
but theres only so deep i can be after a day of numbing wageslaveness.
Mac:
But is your funk more about you as an individual than mankind? Hey, I've been guilty of it myself.
Could it be that you're projecting what is lacking in your life onto the world at large? Could your problems with humanity's ultimate future just be a way of not dealing with what you as a person will finally leave behind? We all bid for immortality. We hope to do something positive that will live on after we die.
Of course, if we do leave a legacy, that it means nothing if it dies with mankind. I would like to leave something worthwhile behind. But I've realized that even time and the universe can come to an end. While I'm concerned about a legacy, I know that all I can count on is the here and now. Instead of worrying about what you can't control, maybe you should try to change or ameliorate those parts of your life that will make living more enjoyable.
And that means more than just "getting laid."
Best,
Ray
Paradoxically, this very sense of detachment catalyzes my interest in undermining the definition of "human" -- because, frankly, I'm sick to death of being human. Either "humanness" has failed me or I've failed it; in either case, I'm left disillusioned, like a tourist with someone else's luggage and only a fuzzy sense of the local geography.
Hey, that's *my* line - seriously.
You probably need to get laid.
I *knew* someone was going to recommend that ;-)
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