Posthuman Blues

A few of you have expressed enthusiasm for my whorishly patriotic "must-have" bumper-sticker concept, so I thought I'd share another of my lucrative business ideas.

I've been telling people about this one for a long time (at the risk of getting weird looks). Dig it: Expensive coffee drinks are big money, right? And pop machines are everywhere. So why not retain the essential aspects of both and create a new kind of beverage? A beverage that's sophisticated yet sweet . . . A drink that's wincingly hot yet oh-so-cool . . . I call it "HOOT!: The Cola Served Hot!"

True to its motto, HOOT! is a cola-based drink that comes hot straight from the dispenser in its own disposable thermos. It's not coffee. It's not soda. It's HOOT! And I envision yuppies everywhere drinking it. At work, at home -- there's no wrong place to drink HOOT!

The only logistical problem is that vending machines, designed for conventional metal cans rather than trendy new HOOT! thermoses, are poorly suited for HOOT! dissemination. But I'm not letting that stop me.