Posthuman Blues

I think I've come up with a way to milk the people of this dysfunctional soon-to-be theocratic police-state for money. Here's how it works:

By now you've very likely seen hundreds of "Support Our Troops" and "God Bless America" stickers/magnets on the backs of vehicles. There's an obvious market for this gratuitous sentimentality.

I've noticed many drivers given to patriotic/religious bumper iconography aren't content to commit themselves to one sticker; they've usually got two clashing ribbons right next to each other. The by-now obligatory urine-yellow "Support Our Troops" ribbons share car-space with red, white and blue "God Bless America" ribbons.

The challenge for aspiring venture capitalists is to create a new perceived "must-have" decal for freedom-loving patriots, and, if I do say so myself, I think I've come up with a damned good one . . . one that everyone will feel obliged to purchase for fear of being labeled "freedom-hating" or "anti-American."

Here it is: A teal ribbon-shaped decal that reads, with heart-felt conviction, "Remember Those Who Have Lost Their Lives." I figure this will prove irresistible. No one whose vehicle currently flaunts the two dominant God and country stickers will be able to live comfortably knowing that others are bedecking their Hummers and SUVs with such tender -- yet pro-America -- misgivings about the violence in Iraq.

The motorists enamored of these gaudy stickers think they're making a statement. Creatively deprived and intellectually neutered, turning their cars into motorized billboards for the State is their sole recourse to personal expression.

Not that we'll actually tell them that, of course. Instead, we'll happily fuel their craving. We'll give them what they want. And I think a brand-new sentiment, easily and cheaply reproducible in conventional sticker or magnet form, is precisely that. Moreover, it will rake in the cash.

Soon the highways will be teeming not only with the ubiquitous (and quite boring) yellow, red, white, and blue, but with teal -- surefire evidence of this nation's emotional resolve and capitalistic spirit.

Do you want in on this? You bet you do!

Thanks, and God Bless.