Thursday, December 27, 2007

Video of Col. Kal Korff Sending Off "Secret Wars" Trilogy to Publisher Coming Next Week

CriticalThinkers.org announced today that starting as early as next week, they will begin posting on the Internet the videotaped footage of their President and CEO, Colonel Kal Korff, sending off his new trilogy book series on terrorism, Secret Wars: Defending Against Terrorist Plots, to his publisher in New York, Prometheus Books. Korff was filmed recently at a media event sending the book off to be published, and took a few moments to briefly answered questions.

Korff is a Colonel in the Israeli-founded Special Secret Services and is an expert in Counter-Terrorism. At roughly 1,200 pages, Korff's book is already being lauded as one of the most definitive works yet written on the subject of terrorism.

It is due for release next year by Prometheus Books and is also a weapon in the war against terrorism.

Korff's book is the result of a 5.5 year classified project.

Developing...


Yeah, I know I once declared this blog a Korff-free zone, but who could resist this? I want to see that "media event" video, damnit -- and I'm not being sarcastic. I mean, that's historic footage. The world needs to see it.

I'm sure Kal would agree.

Update: True to form, Korff has deleted the post quoted above. Never happened, folks.

3 comments:

Kolenel Kal K. Korff's Karmic Kolloquiumist said...

"...they will begin posting on the Internet the videotaped footage of their President and CEO, Colonel Kal Korff, sending off his new trilogy book series on terrorism, Secret Wars: Defending Against Terrorist Plots, to his publisher in New York, Prometheus Books. Korff was filmed recently at a media event sending the book off to be published, and took a few moments to briefly answered questions.

"Korff is a Colonel in the Israeli-founded Special Secret Services and is an expert in Counter-Terrorism. At roughly 1,200 pages, Korff's book is already being lauded as one of the most definitive works yet written on the subject of terrorism.

"It is due for release next year by Prometheus Books and is also a weapon in the war against terrorism.

"Korff's book is the result of a 5.5 year classified project.

"Developing..."
-----------------------------------
Ah, yes. Dear old Colonel Korff. A true wunderkind--in his own mind! Or, what's left of it.

I sometimes ask myself if he's just insidiously deluded, or merely fantastically egocentric. Flip a coin. Unless it lands on it's edge, either or both sides of this numismatic token will do to describe the wonder that is Kal.

Oddly, I sent him a little email of encouragement and support when I saw his post. It's odd, because I very rarely go over to his site to see what he's up to these days, and so what are the "odds" that both Mac and myself would check out his site within the same hour to find the latest unbelievaballistic minor screed and be compelled to comment on it?

Must have been caused by a supernatural intercession of a sychronicity of fate in the face of such profound portents as Kal's pronouncements often create.

Yes, I have to admit the same, also, that I, too, would relish the grand opportunity to see for myself his video of such a major media event, sure to wrack the planet in chaotic multimedia explosions of earthquake-proportion quivers of adulation and worship over any YouTube video showing the Great One handing over his 1,200 page manuscript to the lowly minions sent from the CSICOPian imprimatur of the skeptibunkers, Prometheus, dispatched to scrape and bow before the Kalboy whilst tremulously receiving the original 'script from the august hands of the author, himself!

Or, maybe, we'll just get to see him dropping a couple five-pound bricks wrapped in stamp-laden brown paper and string into his local mailbox. Either way, I'm terribly excited at the prospect of seeing this procrustean event.

And, to top off this incredible confab, he even deigns to simultaneously answer a few questions while doing so! Or, should I say, "took a few moments to briefly answered questions."

Those are among the very best kinds of questions; already briefly answered before being asked. We should expect no less from He who is in Prague, fighting terrorists in his limited spare time for the vaunted SSS.

[Good Lord, I'm getting choked up, thinking about...all the munificent magnificance of it all...but I must control my wildly oscillating emotions, and stoically, bravely continue:]

Ever wonder how someone who claims to work for some private (non-governmental) "Special Secret Services" outfit gained the military rank of Colonel? Is this some kind of volunteer state national guard type organization or what?

Oxymoronic or just counter-intuitive, I ask you. Or, just possibly, purely imaginary? Any of the above surely apply here.

"At roughly 1,200 pages, Korff's book is already being lauded as one of the most definitive works yet written on the subject of terrorism." More good news, then! Even as he hands over his immense manuscript, it's already being reviewed and lauded by all the leading book critics! I pity his editor being put in such a difficult position of having to consider which of the three or four words in this draft Mr. Korff has permitted to be changed, just for the sake of appearances, which are all important in such a continuously publicly proclaimed (for over a year now) and momentous secret declassified project.

Hopefully, subsequent reviews by those critics not included in the pro-Prometheus list of gilded book critics will be as equally laudatory once the trilogy is actually finally published and distributed to us mere peons of the literate world for our plebian enlightenment.

I would be shocked if the lauds don't continue to pile up on the doorstep of Mr. Korff's soon-to-be announced internationally-famous man of mystery's domicile, (a.k.a. the Kal Kave), whereupon a large, brass plaque will be mounted to commemorate and provide future generations with an historical record and proof that, yea, this is where the penultimate Great One once lived while composing his confabulously trivial trilogy.

I would only add, due to my irrational exhuberance cascading down and out of control over this major historical event announced with requisite humility by the great Kal that, indeed, his trilogy will become, in fact, one of the greatest tools for "and is also a weapon in the war against terrorism." Indeed!

You see, if you can physically get behind the entrenched position of some nasty jihadist, and throw, very hard, each volume of the trilogy at the head of said terrorist, the resultant decapitative consequences will knock them out, literally, and end any sordid dreams of conquest that such nefarious islamofascists may have once had (before knocking their silly turbaned heads off with Volumes 1, 2, and 3).

We recommend you try to obtain the original hardback versions of Vol.'s 1 - 3 before trying this, as SSS field tests conducted by Kal and his squad in Iraqi operations have shown that the trade paperback versions of the trilogy are much less effective.

If you miss, don't worry--when the bad guys begin to read the opening lines of these tomes of pure wisdom thrust at their feet, the burning glory of the words alone will literately blind them to any course of action other than a rabid, overweening desire to join Kal's Holy War, and fight the good fight for all freedom-loving peoples everywhere! Amen! 8^}

Or am I just being outre-silly? I blame any memetic excess on Kal! His influence is everywhere! Sheesh!

Mac said...

We recommend you try to obtain the original hardback versions of Vol.'s 1 - 3 before trying this, as SSS field tests conducted by Kal and his squad in Iraqi operations have shown that the trade paperback versions of the trilogy are much less effective.

*snort*!

Anonymous said...

Blah...I find nothing about Kal Korff interesting or even entertaining.