Thursday, November 13, 2008

Speaking of flying cars . . .


would you buy a used flying car from Mr. Future? said...

Impatient Flying Car Customer:
"Hey, Bub!" Mr. Future! Where the hell is my goddamned flying car?!?! And the optional jet-pack in the trunk I ordered? I called for it yesterday! Whotta ya mean it's not here yet!? What kind of future is this, anyhow? Damn Futurians!"

Mr. Future: "So, OK, already. Yeah, we took your order for the deluxe, blood-red flying car. And with the option for the trunk-based jet-pack chromium backpack module. But these things take time. Of the indefinite, ever on the cusp (or horizon, if you prefer) variety. They'll both be here...tomorrow. Trust me. Right after we get our expected federal bail-out funding. You know, so we can...uh...accelerate the production line. Distribute product inventory delivery. Keep our promises. I just talked to the manufacturers. Your flyingcar-jetpackcombo is next in line. Just come by tomorrow. We'll still be here! Oh, by the way, your
final payment is due before we close today. Just a gentle but firm reminder. Can't deliver if the product isn't paid for, you know. Don't worry--we're backed by the federal government--have they ever let you down before?"

'Future's so bright, gotta wear shades.' 8^} [redux]

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Intense Future-Flying car salesperson,

First of all, thanks for the time you spent with my wife and I showing and demonstrating the new flying car.

After careful consideration we have decided that perhaps it's not the right vehicle for us at this time. My wife informs me that at my advancing age I shouldn't be driving a car on the roads much longer, let alone in the air. Too bad though, I have wanted to own one now for many years, but due to production delays it seems that time has passed me by. Sort of like when I always wanted a Corvette, but then when I could finally afford one I looked liked someone's dad who had borrowed his son's car, so I passed on that one too.

Also, my wife says we should save our money now that the social security and medicare system are collapsing and we will need the money to purchase replacement body parts or failing that, at least a robot man servant to change my depends and push my wheel chair through the mall. Two tasks that my wife assures me she will not provide.

So once again, thanks, and if I could offer a word of advice to you regarding your future demonstrations, I would practice your landings a few more times before you take anyone else for a test fly. I know you said that the damage to the nose and wings weren't as bad as it looked, but still I think it's a good suggestion.


Michael (no longer in the market for a flying car)

Mr. intensient future, esq. said...

Last sales call from Mr. Future:

Hello? Well, Michael, I personally think that it is terribly unfortunate that you have decided to turn your back on America, the consumer economy, and the right, nay the command of God himself, to buy as much stuff as humanly possible.

What are you, anyway? A terrorist?

You're either for mass, planet-destroying consumption and a subsequently bleak future, or you're against me and my pecuniary self-interests. Your choice is so much in contradiction to all that we hold sacred, that I'm afraid we will have to now not only mortgage your future, but also your children's and grandchildren's. There simply is no other choice that I can envision.

You provide no alternative, that I would find acceptable, such as changing the status quo, which is forbidden by current federal law since 9/11, so you must be to blame for the state we are in. Don't you just feel horrible, and dirty? No?!? Well, you should!

So, my recommendation, or should I say command, is to get back out there, spend your money like there's no tomorrow, since there isn't in my world, and go ahead and make that final payment for the sky yacht of your dreams! What do you mean you're suing me for fraud? Do you know what that means for America? Change! Spare, and otherwise, possibly. We can't have that. So, if you would just...hello? Michael? Are you there? Hmmm...maybe I didn't pay the phone bill again. That must be it! I'll just go buy another cell phone! After all, it's the American way, for God and country, and this truth will finally set us free! [breaks into song...]
God bless America, land that I love...

[Future Motors--making America Safe Again for the Flying Car Industry--buy one today! Or ...tomorrow! But just BUY ONE! OR TWO!!]